Heartlines
by burninghavoc
Summary: "But in order to get to the heart, I think sometimes that you'll have to cut through." A collection of drabbles mainly focusing on Zelloyd, among other ships. Most are AU's. Rating may go up.
1. 2AM

A/N: Hello all! I figured I'd break in this new account with a series of ficlets based on writing prompts I found scattered around tumblr. The prompt for this one is _"it's 2am and i'm drunk and i need some goddamn french fries right now so open your fucking door"_, from endingcas on tumblr. This is actually my first time writing for anything Symphonia related, so critiques will be helpful! I am so _so_ sorry though if any of the characters are OOC though, like I said, this is my first time writing for any of them so I hope I captured them well enough for a modern-day college AU at least.

(The song lyrics may be a little odd at times but they're mostly to show what I was listening to at the time for the inspiration)

I'd also like to say that most of these stories are going to be Zelloyd based, but other ships will work their way in every now and then should I find the courage/inspiration to write for them. Here we go!

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><p><em>I got two hands, and one beating heart,<em>

_ And I'll be alright, I'm gonna be alright_

_-"Girls Chase Boys", Ingrid Michaelson_

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><p>If Lloyd had ever wanted to hear pathetic yowling outside his door at two in the morning, he would have just bought a damn cat. But that didn't help or change the fact that one of his friends from class was outside his door, whining about something unintelligible and apparently was so loud he could hear him all the way in his bedroom.<p>

"Lllloooooyyyd! I know you're in there."

_No I'm not go away._

"Look man I didn't—" His voice got quieter for a moment and he was probably mumbling something, "I'm starving man, you gotta let me in. Lloyd." There was a thunk, either his head hit the door or he was doing a lame attempt at knocking on it.

_So go yourself the restaurant is literally within walking distance._

"Llooooyd. Please. I need someone to walk with me. Don't know if I can stand."

_Oh my god._

He grumpily sat up and scrubbed his eyes and looked at the clock, which read in unforgiving bright green: 2:30 AM. Ugh. He should've been used to this, but those were under different circumstances. His friend would've just been there to drop in with a crowd of their mutual friends to stay up late and avoid studying. He probably would've been able to deal with that better than the drunk mess outside of his door right now.

Sighing, Lloyd got out of bed and scratched his fingernails through his messy brown hair, walking out into the small living room and placing his hand on the doorknob. He swiftly opened the door and couldn't even bring himself to laugh as his friend fell backwards and hit the floor from leaning on the door, his red hair splayed out in an instant and he grimaced, letting out an uncharacteristic squeak.

"Ow! Holy shit, where did the door go—Lloyd! Hey bud, what's up?"

"Me, apparently, since you woke me and probably half of the apartment complex by now."

The redhead snorted in a slurred way. His face was partially flushed and Lloyd was waiting for him to start shooting his mouth off like he always did when he was drunk. "Oh come on, it's only eleven!"

"It's two thirty in the morning, Zelos. You're several hours behind."

The man on the floor blinked at him. "What? No, man, it's eleven—"

Lloyd ignored him as he began to ramble about something that he couldn't understand with his speech distorted from the alcohol, and reached down to hook Zelos' arm over his shoulders to pull him off the floor. He wobbled slightly but managed to at least lean on the wall nearby. If he could barely walk, this was going to be a long, long night. Lloyd was beyond aggravated and cranky, looking Zelos up and down told him that he apparently tried to dress to go out somewhere, but didn't do a very good job at it. He had thrown a hoodie on over a button up shirt that was mussed a little, his hair was a damn mess and he, of course, stunk of alcohol. Or something to that extent.

"Okay, what do you want?" Lloyd asked.

"Something to eat."

His speech was slurred a little but at least he was still somewhat coherent. "Like what? You couldn't get Sheena to drive you?"

"Yyeeaahhh kinda pissed her off, may or may not have gotten kicked out for the night."

Lloyd groaned. "Oh god. What did you do this time?"

Zelos found his grin and waved a hand, shrugging and laughing a little. "Don't know. Guess I insulted her with my beauty." Lloyd had half a mind to slug him on the shoulder. If there was one thing he was good at it was pissing women off by just existing around them. Even when he was drunk he still retained his piss poor personality. He probably tried to bring home a date in his tipsy state and forgot about his voluptuous roommate still being around. Lloyd can only imagine.

"I'm serious, did you get into an argument or something?"

"Geez, bud, you're askin' _way_ too many questions and all I want are some damn french fries."

Lloyd sighed and rolled his eyes. He was probably stuck with Zelos at this point. Might as well get him what he wants.

"I sure hope you aren't going out like that."

Lloyd stared at him before glancing down at himself, realizing he was still in his t-shirt and boxers. He gave Zelos an annoyed look and took hold of his shoulder to lead him away from the door.

"No, I'm just gonna put on a jacket and some pants—now come over here and sit on the couch before you fall over again."

"'Kay."

Before he could close the door he heard a click and another door opening from a little down the hallway, and noticed someone else had stepped out of their apartment while yawning, a young girl with long blonde hair had spotted him.

"Hey, Colette, sorry did we wake you?" Lloyd said, trying to be quiet.

The girl rubbed her eyes and yawned again, but she looked fully awake this time once she spotted Lloyd. "Oh, no no! I just heard someone talking outside and didn't know who it was. Is everything okay?" She noticed Zelos in the doorway and he must have heard her, because as soon as he leaned backwards enough to see her his face immediately lit up and he grinned from ear to ear.

"Heeey, there's my cute little honey!" He piped up. Lloyd was ready to close the door on him, but settled with lightly smacking him on the back of the head.

"Shh! You're gonna wake everyone up!"

"Oh, no, Zelos are you okay?" Colette walked up to them and looked at the redhead worriedly, completely unaware that he was most definitely drunk.

"Totally fine, honey—"

Lloyd immediately cut him off. "No, he's not, he's completely hammered and I'm going to get him some food before the landlord gets called to come and kick me out." He sighed and looked to the girl with a pitiful expression. "Do you mind watching him for a second? I need to go put pants on before I leave."

Colette nodded at him brightly, offering Zelos a warm smile and helping him sit on the armrest of the couch. She kept a hand on his shoulder while Lloyd disappeared into his bedroom.

"Zelos, you don't look injured, what exactly were you hammering?"

The redhead just stared at her and busted out laughing, Lloyd heard them both from his room and tried hard not to splutter into a giggling fit. Bless her.

"Oh my god, sweetheart, I'm not—I wasn't," Zelos lost himself in his fit of laughter, and it was loud. God. He was always too loud when he was drunk. Lloyd could distinctly make out the sound of a startled yelp from Colette and more laughter—the idiot must've nearly fallen off the couch.

He sighed again and merely settled for pajama pants and pulled his shoes on and his jacket, walking back into the living room and nodded at Colette appreciatively, trying to ignore Zelos who had fallen onto the actual couch, thank god.

"What I meant by 'hammered' is that he's actually drunk off his ass, right now." He said, regaining Colette's attention and she responded with an 'oh'. He gave her another apologetic face, rubbing his forehead while looking down at his friend on the couch. "Sorry we woke you. I didn't really expect him to show up tonight. Not like this, especially."

Colette just shook her head and smiled. "No, it's okay. I don't mind. Do you need me to wait up for you, just in case?"

Lloyd shook his head and tried to ignore the incoherent babbling of his friend on the couch. "No, it's alright. We're going to come right back anyway, and I don't think he needs to go back to his own apartment tonight."

Zelos tried to pull himself up but wobbled enough that he almost rolled off the couch. "Aw, wait a sec! Why can't we eat out?"

Lloyd put a hand on his hip and stared down at him. "Really? With you in this condition? I don't think so. The last time that happened you got us kicked out of a bar." He shook his head. "You gotta seriously learn to hold your liquor better, Zelos."

Zelos blew a raspberry at him and attempted to stand, startling his friends for a moment but he managed to succeed, shockingly, and put both hands on his hips and tried to puff his chest out. "I can hold it just fine, thanks! I think _you're_ the one who can't handle it."

"Zelos, I drank you under the table the last three times you tried to challenge me to a contest. Do you really want to do this." Lloyd actually smirked at him.

Colette nodded in response. "Lloyd _can_ hold his liquor better than you, Zelos."

"Good to see my friends have such faith in me." He said dramatically, but Lloyd almost wanted to laugh at how horrible it sounded coming out of his mouth in this state.

"How are you still talking? Come on, let's go get your damn fries before I lose any more sleep."

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><p>What was supposed to be a trip to just get french fries turned out to be an entire late night meal, and Lloyd and Zelos sat in the small living room of Lloyd's single apartment and had a few burgers on the side, with the TV on quietly in front of them. As expected, Zelos ran his mouth about god knows how many things all at once while drunk, commenting on everything and with the attention span of a kid. He just let him ramble about whatever, unable to bring himself to interrupt no matter what it was. He'd offer comments on a few things here and there, but Zelos was more interested in talking about things from new videogames that were coming out to how vast and empty the universe is and it was a little startling hearing this coming from Zelos. But it wasn't unpleasant, just annoying.<p>

At some point, he had leaned over, while still talking, to bite into his burger and his absolutely preposterous red hair had fallen over his shoulders and into his face, Lloyd had to sit his food down and stare at his friend incredulously.

"So anyway, I said—"

"Zelos your hair is all over the place, why didn't you pull it up at least?"

Zelos had blinked a him, and Lloyd actually snorted into a small laughing fit because he looked so absolutely un-Zelos right now with his mouth stuffed full and his hair a complete catastrophe. It was hilarious. Kind of cute, but mostly hilarious. He wished he could see this more often.

"I always have it down though," He muffled out a reply while he watched Lloyd reach over a nearby table and plucked a hairband off of it, probably a spare of Colette's or something, and warily watched him scoot to one end of the couch and reach over to him in the opposite chair he was sitting in.

"Stop moving, jeez, you didn't even brush it." Lloyd idly moved his bangs out of the way and reached back to comb his curls into his palms and oh my _god_ how much hair did he even have? He didn't understand how he dealt with it. A part of him really liked it, though.

"Lloyd that isn't necessary."

"Wow, you actually said that without slurring, I'm shocked."

Zelos' eyes had widened and he just sat there, petrified and a little awkward, but let Lloyd pull his hair back anyway. Something about having the brunette's hands on his scalp made his stomach drop into his ass in fear and he felt his heart speed up and all he could do was stare at the t-shirt blocking his view.

"Okay, there, now stop getting food in your hair. Seriously, you're usually pretty anal about how you look." Lloyd sat back down and returned to his food, glancing up at the TV and making a face, grabbing the remote, and with his mouth full muttering something about "hate this movie" and changed the channel.

Zelos still didn't move and had stopped chewing for so long he was getting a rather unkind aftertaste but only glanced awkwardly to the floor, eyes still about to pop out of his head.

"Woah, you okay? You look like you just saw Professer Curtiss in a speedo or something."

Zelos turned his eyes back to Lloyd, his brows still raised and frozen in place, giving him a comical display of shock. They stared at each other for a moment before Zelos slowly scrunched his eyes shut and gave him a disgusted groan, leaning back in the armchair and covering his eyes with his forearms.

"OH my god now you've said that and I can't get it OUT of my head! _Why_ would you say something like that?" Zelos cried and Lloyd found himself pointing at him and laughing. "I'm gonna have to drink a lot more now so I can black out and completely erase that from my mind."

Lloyd had laughed again and rubbed his knuckles under his nose, shaking his head and waving a hand at him. "No, don't do that, then I'd have to deal with you being stuck here for another day."

"Eugh," The noise had died down and Zelos returned to eating his burger, poutingly this time.

To Lloyd's surprise, Zelos had actually stopped talking as much and was more focused on eating, and was now staring at his food with a sort of glower on his face, not even looking at the TV. The sudden silence was more than enough to catch Lloyd's attention and he looked at him expectantly.

"Hey, really though, you sure you're okay?" He asked, maybe a little cautiously since there had been times when Zelos got a little too drunk and his mood had swung back and forth. Sometimes he could be a really depressing one, too, one that had scared Lloyd when he _did_ become witness to it. That didn't seem to be the case at this moment, but he still wanted to make sure.

"Hm?" Zelos spared him a glance and tried to play nonchalant. "What d'you mean, bud?"

Lloyd shrugged. "You just got real quiet all of a sudden."

Zelos watched him and slowed his chewing a bit and glanced to the food in his hand. "I'm eatin'?"

"Well yeah, I _know_ that, but I mean, a second ago you were talking about just about everything even with your mouth full." He saw him tense up a little bit, which didn't go unnoticed, and something clicked in his head. "Was it—"

Zelos plastered his drunken grin back on his face and continued talking with his mouth full, much as Lloyd wanted to smack him for it. He had a bad habit of doing it himself after Colette and Sheena had told him to stop inhaling food and talking all at once. Was that how he looked all the time when he ate? "Man, I don't know what you're worried about! I'm just glad I finally got some food. You're a lifesaver."

Lloyd gave him a disapproving look. He knew exactly what had just happened, Zelos always had bad habit of trying to get out of serious conversations by masking them with either boredom or humor. He never really tried to contribute to them, and he often wondered how he even stayed in their college. He knew that Zelos was amazing at mathematics, so that could've been one thing, but for the most part he seemed very laid-back and more interested in partying than studying.

_Probably his parents being rich or pulling strings or something_. Lloyd thought suddenly, but shook it off. He didn't look down on anyone for things like that, but he _could_ admit that he didn't care much for Zelos' family. He didn't like how whenever he would get a tiny sliver of Zelos outside his fake demeanor, the redhead would almost instantly recoil back into his shell and laugh it off. No matter who it was. Though, he could at least take pride in the fact that he was able to even get such little hints and/or slip-ups out of him. And it only happened when Zelos was around _him_. He had caught him once or twice trying to open up to Colette at one point, but it was vague and he never got the chance to even ask about it.

"Zelos, come on, look at me." Lloyd prodded, and the other man froze mid-bite to look at him questioningly. "You're acting weird as hell tonight. I know I'm not the brightest guy with a lot of things but I can tell when one of my best friends is hiding something from me."

Oh. Well, fuck him, he'd forgotten about that. All he wanted was fries. Some kind of food so that he wouldn't get sick later from drinking. He didn't want to get into all this so late, and with him slowly coming down off of his drunken stupor, now was probably a good time for more liquor-if only he'd brought some with him or if Lloyd had kept any at his place. Lloyd was good at reading people. He should've kept that in mind.

"Can't I just finish my food?"

"Yeah, and then you get to spill about why you show up at my doorstep at 2 am drunk and crying about wanting food and avoiding my questions and then completely going silent after—_oh_." A sudden look of realization appeared on Lloyd's face and Zelos wanted to jump out of his window right then.

"Um."

"Don't give me that look, Zelos, I'm not stupid."

"I didn't even say anything!"

"But you were _thinking_ it." Lloyd had tried to scoot back to the end of the couch near the armchair Zelos sat in and gave him a stern look. "Come on, for as long as we've known each other I'd think you'd at least try to...I don't know...confide in me or something. I thought we were done with you trying to put a mask on everything." He sighed and shook his head. "We've talked about this before."

Zelos had sighed aggravatingly and sat his food down so that he could rub his face in his hands, propping his elbows up on his knees and making pathetic groaning noises of protest as his only indication that he didn't want to do this, not now and probably not ever if possible. He had dragged his hands down his face so that he could at least stare out into nothing, trying to think of a response. Lloyd waited patiently.

"Can it—" Zelos made a small 'mrf' noise while he rubbed his face in his hands and groaning again. He was still somewhat tipsy, couldn't really think straight. But he knew where this was going and this time he didn't think he could back out of it, or that it'd be _right_. _Me? Thinking about what's right? Well that's a laugh_. He thought, before brushing it away. "Can it just...wait a bit? I don't...I'm still a little fucked up right now, can't really get anything straight in my head."

Lloyd frowned a bit, but gave a single nod. "I can wait. You know I'll wait." _Not really_, he thought. Lloyd was a generally impatient person when he wanted to be, but there were times when he knew when to keep his temper in check.

"Don't wanna make you wait like that, though." Zelos grumbled, and Lloyd barely caught it and knew that he was probably referencing to something else when he said that—just another one of his many past regrets. Nothing new there, not that Zelos would admit it. "Okay, okay. I'll...yeah. Yeah, just lemme eat first and settle down. Okay?"

He nodded again and went back to his food. "Okay."

There was mostly silence in the room after that. They continued watching the TV on and off, and occasionally would delve back into conversation, even though it was a little awkward now. There was a somewhat uncomfortable atmosphere that lingered for a while, up until they had both stood to move around; throw garbage away, go to the restroom. Eventually they found themselves both sitting on the couch and watching a movie that was a favorite for both, and they fell back into a comfortable conversation about the movie on TV, chatting for at least a good couple of hours before either of them realized that the clock hit 5 AM.

Lloyd had returned from throwing away the remainder of their food in the small kitchen space next to them and sat back on the couch, before stopping himself and turning around to look at Zelos closely. He looked like he'd fallen asleep. _Well I'll be damned_, he thought, a little disappointed but unable to bring himself to shake the man awake for a while. Instead he merely settled back into the couch to prop his feet up on the coffee table and turned back to the TV.

He heard a soft grunt from the man next to him and turned his head to look, and noticed that he had shifted a little closer and pulled himself up into a ball next to Lloyd, surprising him a little. He leaned back a bit but ultimately let the redhead curl against him, and he heard him grumble "fuckin' cold" and sunk his hands into the long arms of his hoodie to try and keep them warm. Lloyd smirked at him and his rather uncharacteristic display of grumpiness and clingyness. Though, this only made his earlier curiosities surface again.

"Hey," He tried, though softly. "You still awake?"

"Tryin' not t' be." Zelos mumbled.

Lloyd laughed softly before sighing a little, glancing around for a stray blanket. He found one on the opposite end of the couch and reached to grab it, ignoring Zelos' pitiful objections, and dragged the blanket over to them to unfold it. He leaned back and draped the blanket over them both, propping his feet back up and putting his arm around Zelos to try and get him to scoot closer into the warmth. He felt Zelos immediately tense up, and tried to force himself back and out of the arm that soon encased him against the brunette, but seemed to accept his fate of being trapped between his friend and the blanket and settled down.

Zelos stopped for a second, however, once they got settled and sat up a bit more, dropping the blanket off of him and grouchily muttered an unintelligible 'hold on' before pulling his long hair out of the ponytail that Lloyd had set it in.

"God that hurts. Hate having my hair in a ponytail." He said, staring at the band in his palm with his eyes half-lidded and tired, slowly sobering up and full, comfortable and ready to fall asleep.

Lloyd watched him thoughtfully, lifting one of his hands to cup Zelos' own underneath and the other one moving to take the hairband from his fingers. "I think it looks nice when it's pulled up."

He thought that Zelos might've meant for it to go unnoticed but he didn't miss the little whine in the back of his throat before the redhead put a hand over his face and rubbed it, sighing heavily.

"You're makin' this too hard." Again, he wasn't doing a very good job at saying things quiet enough, because Lloyd was focused and caught every bit of it.

"I'm not the one who hides things from people who are close to me. Especially it involves my own mental or physical health."

"Can't help it." He grumbled again and finally took his hands from his face and realized how close they were, attempted to look all around the room, mentally cursing himself for getting himself into this situation and damn it all he should've just passed out face-first in the parking lot instead. Though, much to his surprise, he found that Lloyd wasn't freaking out or pulling away or shoving him off and kicking him out. That eased the sickness in his stomach a little.

Lloyd nodded gently, raising his arm again to slowly, carefully wrap around the redhead's shoulders and coax him to lie back down against him, trying hard not to startle him and scare him off. Zelos seemed too fed up with himself to bother in objecting, so he merely followed the direction of his arms and nestled back against him, trying to let his hair cover his face so Lloyd wouldn't look at him.

"I know. I know _why_ you can't help it." Lloyd said quietly, tugging the blanket back up over them. "I just...wish you trusted me more. I know that it's hard, I just wish I knew what to do to make it easier for you." He idly noticed that the blanket didn't cover his legs all the way, and he furrowed his brows while he pulled his own legs up against him onto the couch and completely wrapped them both under the soft cover.

"I do," Zelos had responded a little too quickly, but he figured that it was a little late. He knew Lloyd knew what had happened earlier, knew what he was thinking and why he was acting the way he was. Their current positioning wasn't a part of their normal 'buddy' routine where Zelos often would playfully hang off Lloyd's shoulders and invade his personal space just to joke around. No, this was different. And the absurd thing was, the redhead actually found himself okay with it, found himself perfectly fine with how it was turning out.

Lloyd had already pieced some of it together, which led him to believe he could try and convince his friend that it was okay, that how he felt was okay, and that he had thought the same way for a long time as well. Lloyd would be lying if he had said that he wasn't nervous right now or that his heart wasn't beating a little fast, unsure of where this was going, but still trying to be supportive of it.

"You're important to me," he said, trying to do what Lloyd had suggested and not constantly talk so quietly or evasively on subjects like this. He felt Lloyd fully turn his head to try and look at him,_ no, no, shit don't look at me I'm so scared and embarrassed right now_, his thoughts ran frantically. He wasn't used to this. He was used to finding a cute girl or guy and immediately heading to the bedroom, this was just flat out weird and alien to him and he didn't know how on earth he should go about it. This was his friend, his _best_ friend, and it had scared him to the point where he'd lose a night or two of sleep.

It was why he had gotten drunk and shown up at Lloyd's apartment after Sheena had attempted to confront him on the matter since Lloyd was a good friend of hers too and she may or may not have been a little protective of him, but also wanted to help Zelos work out whatever had been stressing him out and, since he was absolutely horrible at expressing anything involving 'feelings', had locked horns with her and upset her on numerous things without really, really meaning to and damn it he's going to have to apologize to her once he goes back.

He was brought back to where he was by the faint smell of what he assumed was burnt leaves during cold fall weather, and realized it was from Lloyd. It was always a pleasant thing, what with Lloyd being from the mountains. He had only been there once or twice to meet his dad, not used to the hardy, rough atmosphere of living up in the mountains...but it was so very Lloyd that it he had developed a bit of a soft spot for it, not that he'd ever let him know because, well, it was _Zelos_. That was when he realized he'd been thinking too much again and how close he was to Lloyd's neck and body as a whole.

And then Lloyd smiled at him.

"Well, the feeling's mutual."

Was all he said, and Zelos felt his worry and anxiety slowly melt away at that. Lloyd had seemed so nonchalant and careful, like it was the most natural thing to do between them, like nothing had changed or was going to change just because of..._whatever_ this was. Zelos tried to turn his head away from his gaze towards the brunette's neck so that his hair covered it more and shielded him from sight.

"Don't deserve you."

He heard Lloyd sigh with a bit of irritation, and felt him raise his hand to brush his hair out of the way so he could look at him fully. "Shut up, don't say stuff like that, you dork." He said. All he could offer was a blink of the eyes and stared. Lloyd leaned in a bit and brushed his lips against the redhead's temple and then readjusted himself to lean back against the couch with the other man against him. Zelos made a hilarious face in shock and Lloyd laughed a little at him.

"Now go to sleep. It's almost six and I'd like to get a little bit of shuteye before explaining why we're late to class." He said with finality and curled up under the blanket with the redhead.

Zelos wasn't sure what the hell just happened, probably still too buzzed to think on it but was pretty sure he'd still be confused and about to cough up butterflies with how many were stuck in his stomach right now. So instead, he shut his eyes, and let himself finally drift off in peace.


	2. Trying

This one is SUPER long, much longer and more angst than I intended—when I first started writing this one I wasn't sure if I should make it a college AU or not so make of it what you will, I suppose. I also wanted to point out that any of these can be imagined as ot3/ot4 friendly since some of these are intended to give that vibe. (ﾉ `･∀･)ﾉﾞ Again, sorry for any OOCness.

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><p>"<em>I wish I could give you my love and my soul,<em>

_but inside my chest there is nobody home."_

_-"Animal", The Cab_

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><p>Sheena Fujibayashi had seen many emotional and distressing things in her life, but one of the few things she had very rarely seen on someone was genuine heartbreak, and the display in front of her was all the proof she needed of this fact. Especially when it came from someone who was proclaimed as not having much of a heart to start with.<p>

Her redheaded roommate was plastered all over the couch in their small living room, several beer cans scattered on the floor beside the ends of the couch and looking disheveled and worn out. His long, curly hair was a mess and it looked like he hadn't brushed it in days, sprawled over the back of the armrest his head currently lay against, dark circles under his eyes. It was rather startling for her to see him in this condition, the man was normally so attentive to how he looked, and he only drank this much on two occasions: when there was a party, or he was trying to forget something.

She had entered the apartment with a few groceries in hand and quietly shut the door behind her, but whether or not he heard her, he didn't show that he cared. She walked in and sat the bags on the kitchenette counter and walked back over to where he lay on their couch, hand on hip and looking down at him with a stern expression. He looked absolutely pathetic.

He had been like this for almost a week. She remembered coming home one day to find him in their cramped bathroom, his fist bloodied after he had smashed it against their mirror. She remembered going to Lloyd to find out what happened, to try and console him, only to be told that he had walked in on Zelos and one of his many flings and things spun out of control for him and he had to run. He had left, ignoring Zelos calling for him to stop, and didn't look back. She'd done her best to try and comfort him, while she and Colette both sandwiched him in between them as they hugged him close and tightly, while all he could do is cry. None of them had ever seen him cry.

_'I don't know why it hurt so much,'_ She recalled him saying through hiccups. _'I mean, I knew he slept around but I...why this time? Why did it hurt __**this**__ time?'_

Her free hand at her side twitched as if to clench at the memory, but she resisted. She knew why. Colette knew why. And right now, Zelos was probably _pondering_ why. The two girls had known for a while that their friend had a small crush on the womanizer lying across the couch in front of her, but after some time it had grown into something more, something that had the poor boy unsure of what to do with himself. It had made Sheena nervous, because everyone knew of Zelos' reputation, everyone knew how he was. She had warned Lloyd about him, wanted to spare him the pain that would come if he got involved with Zelos past their friendship. A strong friendship, at that.

The two had been very close for almost three years now, and the way they had turned out allowed Sheena to calm her worries. She had grown used to seeing them pass friendly banter at each other, atop wrestling over videogames and poking fun at one another. It had grown natural. It was comfortable. Right up until Lloyd had confronted the girls one day, all fidgety and nervous, and came out about his feelings for the redhead.

He had begged them not to say anything, that he was still trying to figure it out, but what had struck Sheena the most was how he had said that he didn't want to ruin his friendship with Zelos. He had been so frightened that something would slip through, every time Zelos would playfully drape himself over Lloyd's shoulders like he always did, or whenever he'd look at Lloyd, nudge him on the arm, to the tiniest thing about him that Lloyd had known he was done for. And Sheena agreed. The brunette was _definitely_ done for. She knew just as well as he did that he was head-over-heels and he couldn't stop it if he wanted to.

_'What do I do? What __**can**__ I do about this?'_ He had asked helplessly one day. She hadn't known, then.

But matters had been made worse when she had suspected that the feelings might have been mutual. The surprising thing was, it hadn't been something huge or obvious. It was something small, insignificant, something that nobody would have noticed even if they did a double take.

She caught him staring at Lloyd.

The four of them had been out at a lake for a barbecue with several of their friends on the weekend; and Lloyd had been cheering on some of them shoulder-wrestling in the water, huge grin plastered on his face and beaming with happiness, for once seemingly free of stress and his anxiousness towards their redheaded friend. She had averted her attention to Zelos, who was watching him with an expression suspiciously close to being smitten. He wore a rather affectionate, soft smile and the way he was looking at the boy made it seem like nothing around them was as important as the tanned brunette in front of him.

Then he had spotted her staring at him, and immediately averted his eyes and his face fell, looking away and sipping on his drink in a bored manner. He knew he had been caught. She _knew_ that he knew. And he was doing a terrible job at hiding it from her. She had actually attempted to confront him about it, but he had played it off as nonsense, avoiding her prodding, much to her annoyance. But, for her, it was all that she needed. She knew something was going on in that head of his, and it was only blocked by his inability to express himself or open up to anyone, not even her. Maybe Lloyd, but not on a matter like this.

But then it had started to happen more often. She would notice that sometimes the interactions between the two had been strained, not obvious—like the nervous laughter and aversion of the eyes and awkwardly shuffling away from each other. But Lloyd's declining behavior around Zelos had led him to believe something was wrong, and he had outright questioned if something had happened, if he had done something to upset the boy. The two of them never fought, and she was surprised to see how well they had actually held up their charades over one another for so long.

She brought herself back to the present and focused back on the redhead's face. He looked tired and worn out from lack of sleep. The TV had been left on in the background but the volume was turned down low enough to almost be silent in the room, it was like static to his ears.

"Look at you," She began quietly. He refused to make eye contact with her and continued staring off into space. "You deserve this, you know."

A few seconds passed before he responded, his voice somewhat rough. "I know." Was all he said. He absentmindedly reached down to pick up another can and crack it open, drawing it to his lips and taking a huge gulp from it. Sheena shook her head.

"Why aren't you doing anything? It's been almost a week." She asked.

"What is there to do?" He replied, resting the can on his abdomen. "You know he doesn't want to see me right now."

"Do I really? And do you know that for sure?" She tilted her head. "For all you know, he could be waiting for you to call and try to mend things."

"Since when did you become my babysitter?" He glared up at her. "And why do _I_ need to be the one to go to him?"

Sheena gaped at him, in shock of this admittance and not buying it for a second. She reached down and yanked him up by the collar and delivered a hard slap across his face. He looked somewhat surprised—she didn't know why, he was used to being slapped by almost everyone.

"How _dare_ you?" She snapped, still gripping the collar of his loose shirt. "You have the gall to say that, after everything that's happened? After how Lloyd reacted, after what you've been doing? What do you _think_?"

"What _am_ I supposed to think?" He countered, "What am I supposed to know when he doesn't even call me or talk to me?"

Sheena scoffed. "Oh, that's rich, coming from _you_. His reaction should have been enough for you, and the way you two have been acting towards each other should be a good addition to that. Don't act stupid and oblivious, when you _aren't_."

He didn't look at her, but his face had fallen back into its empty state and he merely sat there under her hard gaze and didn't move. Neither of them had told one another how they had felt. Sheena and Colette had tried to get Lloyd to open up, but after he had pleaded with them to not pry into it, the situation had been avoided. The two boys had both been led up to believe that they were in unrequited love, and Sheena didn't know if that was worse given what had happened.

They had been afraid. They had been afraid to lose their friendship, and Zelos had gone and unintentionally screwed everything up; it had to have been one or the other, he supposed, but that was all done now and there was no going back. The fragile space between them and their hidden feelings were so close to brimming and breaking through the surface, and yet they were both trying to avoid it so hard that it was drowning them. It was starting to aggravate Sheena, and she knew that it was most likely stressing Colette out as well to see them like this.

Zelos remained silent, and she waited. She waited, and his brows had slowly knit together and twisted upwards, squinting his eyes a little as if he wanted to burst, as if he wanted to so badly let everything off his chest. It was startling seeing him like this, because he had never, not once, shown Sheena this side of himself. It made her believe that things were much worse off than they were if he acted like this, especially in front of her. Then his face hardened.

"I'm not talking about this with you. I don't have to confirm or deny anything to anyone. It's not your business anyway."

Sheena raised a brow at him. "It becomes my business when it's tearing apart two important people in my life." She saw a crack in his resolve, and she ran with it. "Zelos, you know, I don't care about this cold, nonchalant and narcissistic exterior of yours and your desire to keep everyone believing that's how you really are," She began, loosening her fist on his shirt and she slowly began to kneel onto the floor in front of him as she spoke. "But, you know, you _are_ my friend, whether you want to believe that or not is up to you, because I'm not going to leave this alone until there's closure. _Look_ at me."

She was kneeling in front of him now, and he hesitatingly turned his head just barely enough to glance at her face. She believed in her words; she would always be the first to admit that Zelos was an absolute prick at times, but she knew that he wasn't rotten to the core. She knew there was more to him than what he let on. No matter how angry he made her or how he had offended her in the past, he _had_ changed. He had changed so much from who he originally was when she first met him, and she wasn't sure how to deal with it initially. Sure, he still retained bits of his terrible personality, he still acted like a sleaze and flirted with everyone he saw, but she had noticed that his lack of care for the world and people around him had nearly disappeared. She _watched_ him change, and it was because of Lloyd. Everything had always led back to Lloyd.

There was a long, dreadful silence between them as they held each other's gazes. She was waiting for him to say something, _anything._ Until the silence became unbearable, her expression softened at him a little and she moved to take the bandaged hand he used to smash their bathroom mirror into her own, the contact immediately making him flinch, shockingly. Normally he'd be all for it.

"I know what's going on, Zelos. Just because you're refusing to say it, doesn't mean it isn't there." She said.

"And what do you think is going on?" He countered, still retaining his defensive composure.

"That you like Lloyd a lot more than most people think, a lot more than _you_ yourself think, and you don't want to admit to it out of fear of destroying the bond you and Lloyd have."

The moment she saw the look on his face at that, being laid out on the table like that, she knew she had gotten through to him. He had tensed up at her words, but his faint, hollow grin came back into place as he looked at her fully.

"And what do you want me to do, huh?" He spoke quietly. "Should I walk up to him and say _'hey, I'm really sorry for hurting you, it's just that for like a year now I've realized I may like you more than a friend and whenever I'd try to find someone to sleep with I'd look for people that reminded me of you because I was too much of a coward to confess to you'_? Is that what I should do?"

Sheena didn't move, but she felt somewhat proud of herself for getting Zelos to admit out loud that he was actually bothered by this and that he fully admitted to having feelings for their friend. It was a first, and a start.

She shook her head gently. "Lloyd deserves the _truth_, no matter what." Then, she bore a stern look and glared at him a little. "_You_, of all people, should know this. _You_, especially, Zelos."

She saw his teeth clench and his jaw shift at that. _Yes, I went there_, she thought to herself. Reminding him of his past mistakes and grievances was enough to put him in his place. She looked back down at her hands encompassing Zelos' own, and allowed a little more silence to pass before speaking back up, gently running one of her thumbs over the gauze across his knuckles.

"You know what he's probably doing right now?" She inquired gently. "He's probably at home, still very upset, obviously. But he's probably wondering if he can look at you again. He's probably wondering if you're going to even call him or show up on his doorstep to try and mend what you two are about to lose. You two have been so close for nearly three years now, are you going to just throw all that away, all that built up trust that was so hard to achieve, just because of a misunderstanding and failure to communicate?"

When she finally looked back up at him, she knew immediately that she had gotten through to him. It may not have shown much, but she knew. He was looking at her fully, his attention all on her, and his face a mixture between helplessness and a defensive glare. His eyes then fell to her hands on his.

"Zelos?" He redirected his eyes back to hers at the call of his name. "Do you _actually_ love Lloyd?"

He stared at her for a good, long while. He had already given up, but that didn't stop his reluctance. Finally, he let out a soft sigh of defeat, nodding faintly. "...Yeah. I do."

She nodded. "Then tell him. Explain things to him. Go to his place, call him on the phone, do _something_. You know Lloyd. He'll talk to you. You two can sort things out."

He sighed again, his face twisting into minor annoyance. "Can't believe I'm letting you tell me how to go about this."

She pursed her lips and clenched his knuckles a little, startling him at the sharp pain from the wounds that hadn't healed yet. "Just because I think you're an ass doesn't mean I'm going to let both of you suffer for it."

He gave her an exasperated look. "Gee, thanks."

"I do care, you know." Her voice had gone soft again, and she kept her eyes averted. "Even through things like this. I may not show it often, but I do."

He watched her for a moment, looking back at their hands. He squeezed her hand gently and brushed his thumb over her knuckles, which brought her surprised expression up to him. "I know."

And, for once, Sheena actually smiled at him.

* * *

><p>"Lloyd? Hey...Lloyd?"<p>

The brunette shifted under the blankets on his bed, his wild hair popped out from under the covers as he wriggled through to groggily look up at the blonde sitting on the edge of his bed. He yawned widely and felt his bones and muscles ache from sleeping in for so long, it was still bright outside but with it came the cold of winter, making him more reluctant to move out of the covers. He blinked a few times, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes as she reached over to rub circles on his back affectionately.

"'M awake." He muttered sleepily.

She smiled sympathetically at him, still rubbing his back to try and coax him out of the covers. "I brought home some lunch. You should eat something." She said, her voice soft and reassuring like it always was.

He grunted and tried to sit up a little, propping himself on his elbow and groaning a little. "Sheena here?"

She shook her head. "No, she had to leave to get groceries, but she said she'd call later. It's just us. Come on, I got your favorite. Nice and warm."

He sighed and nodded, sitting up fully on the bed and pushing the blankets off, much as he hated to. He hesitated, though, staring down at the bed thoughtfully, and Colette automatically knew. There was no telling how much was running through his mind at the sight of it; he could have been thinking of seeing Zelos tangled with someone else in his bed, someone who _wasn't_ him. He could be thinking about declining her offer and slipping back under the covers to sleep some more. There wasn't much she could do about this, but Lloyd understood. Having her there helped. She always helped, in any way she could.

Regardless, he grumpily stood and nodded at her as she left him to go set out the food. He retrieved a pair of lounge pants and went to put on a thin, plain long sleeve shirt before leaving the solitude of his bedroom and followed Colette out.

They both entered the main room and sat on the couch, watching TV and eating in silence. Colette would occasionally try to start a conversation, trying to ease him out of the shell he had packed himself in. He was always so earnest, so set on helping others that when it came to himself, it was a little difficult to deal with. He always wore his heart on his sleeve, and seeing him in this kind of reclusive state was very unlike him, and made Colette worry far too much.

"Lloyd..." She piped up again after a bit of quiet. "You know, you were always there for me when I was upset...you know you can talk to me, too."

Lloyd stopped slurping a batch of noodles into his mouth to look at her, his mouth half full of them. He blinked but then swallowed the noodles so he could smile at her, waving one of his hands. "I know. I appreciate it." He said, looking down into his bowl. "I just...well, what else is there to say? I've already told you and Sheena most about what's been bothering me..." He sighed. "It's been nearly a week. I don't know what I should do."

Colette idly sat down her soda while looking back at her food, trying to think of something that might help ease his mind. "Well, maybe you two could talk things out. You two care about each other so much, I feel like this is the wrong way to go about something like this..." She offered, shyly glancing back to him as if she wasn't sure how to put her thoughts into words. "I'm sure he's thinking the same thing."

Lloyd fidgeted with the chopsticks in his hands, waiting a moment before responding. "...I know. I...feel like I should talk to him too, but...what if I chicken out? What if I panic and screw everything up because I don't know what to say? What if he just...shrugs me off, like it was nothing?" The last part was uttered with a visible amount of hurt and reluctance.

Colette did nothing but smile at him, and laid a hand atop one of his own, gently rubbing her thumb across his knuckles. "Lloyd, you may think you don't always know how to say things, but you always say them _right_ and how you feel. It's part of why you're such a wonderful person, you're precious to us all, and to Zelos most, I bet."

The brunette looked back at her and had a faint red tint to his cheeks, somewhat embarrassed but greatly appreciative all the same; god bless Colette and him being able to have her as such a good friend. He didn't know what he'd do without her. His eyes fell to her hand on his, and he moved his thumb to brush over her slender fingers in response. Lloyd never thought much of himself, but having friends like Colette, and Sheena, and even Zelos, among the others in their group, they helped him to never stop believing in himself. It was why he always had such good faith in people. Even through backstabbing, losing friends and family, he always kept his heart of gold.

And for him to be best friends with someone like Zelos was...remarkable, as Sheena had said once. Someone who is as unselfish and kind as Lloyd, befriending a conceited and pretentious person such as Zelos, was confusing to most people who were outside of their friend group and couldn't understand it. But the truth was that the two of them had been through a _lot_ together, both good and bad, and the friendship they formed through it was something to behold.

Colette had watched it all. She had seen Lloyd turn Zelos from an egotistical, uncaring man, into someone who was much kinder and thoughtful than he used to be. He still retained bits of his old personality, despite this, but she had noticed his attitude had grown to be far less cold.

His smile faltered, however, only a little, into something more insecure and thoughtful. "You really think so? You really think I mean that much to him?" He inquired, almost a whisper.

She nodded, her soft blonde hair bobbing with her head as she did, her blue eyes bright enough to warm him to the core. "I believe it. I mean...Zelos is kind of complicated, but I think that there's more to this than you think." She said, a hint of something that sounded like she knew more than he did. "I think you two should talk."

Lloyd bit his lip, still staring down at their intertwined hands, thinking of what to do. Before he could offer a response, the soft sound of their doorbell rung through the living room, diverting their attention to the front door.

"I'll get it!" Colette said, retrieving her hand and setting her food aside, bouncing up off the couch and brushing down her sweater dress, freeing it of crumbs.

Her house-shoes were heard shuffling across the floor as she made her way to the front door, while he went back to eating his noodles and moved to change channels on the TV. Behind him, he heard the door open, and there was a startled 'oh!' from Colette, and what he thought was the sudden sound of harsh breathing. He turned around to look at the front door and he immediately froze as soon as he made eye contact with their 'visitor'.

There stood Zelos, a complete mess, it looked like—his hair was frayed and scattered along his shoulders, he wore a thick hoodie and looked like he was plastered with snow, most notably around the hard winter boots he was wearing. His cheeks, nose and ears were red as an apple, probably from the cold and not wearing a proper jacket like the idiot should have been, and he was heaving like he'd just run a marathon. Colette shifted her gaze between the two anxiously, drawing both her hands to her chest and fidgeting, unsure of what to do.

"Um," Was all she could say.

It took the redhead a moment before he turned to the girl in front of him. "I...can I come in? I need to...I want to talk with Lloyd. If that's okay?" His voice was unusually quiet.

"Uh," Colette said again, looking back to Lloyd, her face bearing an expression that meant numerous things; _are you okay to do this?_ And, _this is sudden, do you want to do this now?_ And, _I'm here for whatever you choose_.

Lloyd was glad that the two of them were able to share thoughts so easily, it didn't take him long to get the message, but he was too startled, afraid, he almost couldn't respond. He could either talk now, or wait until later so he could compose himself, he didn't know which one to pick.

"I, uh," He stammered a little, trying to look away from Zelos but he could only repeatedly avert his gaze, only to glance back to the redhead at the door. "Uh...yeah. Yeah, sure. I guess." Suddenly feeling his appetite drop, he sat his bowl and chopsticks on the coffee table and stood up from the couch.

Colette nodded at him and offered a sympathetic smile, "Okay, I'll actually move my laptop into my bedroom." she said, before giving Zelos a small kind of smile as well, but a cautious one, at least, and he returned it to her with an apologetic one of his own.

The redhead stepped inside and the door was shut behind him, as Colette moved to gather her things and exit the living room, leaving the two boys alone. Lloyd had turned the TV off and moved around the couch so he could properly face Zelos, the two of them standing far apart enough at each end of the couch to awkwardly stare at the floor.

Lloyd cleared his throat a little, "Hi." Was all he managed, wringing his hands together.

"Hey." Zelos responded, his voice matching the quietness of the boy across from him.

A moment of silence passed as they stood there, both unaware of what to do, what to say or where to even start. Lloyd could feel himself clenching his teeth and grinding them to calm his nerves, no matter how much it wasn't helping.

"You, uh...look like you had to plow through a lot of snow."

"Yeah. It's horrible outside. I _hate_ winter." At that, Lloyd was briefly brought back to when Zelos had told him why he hated it so much, the memory of his mother standing out in the snow with him, saying unforgivable things, things that stuck with him for the rest of his life, and then it was gone in an instant when Zelos spoke back up. "I was in too much of a hurry to care, though."

"Oh." He replied. "I, uh...I'm sorry that I...haven't talked to you or...answered your calls."

Another moment of silence passed. Lloyd didn't know what to do. He was so apprehensive and afraid that he didn't know where to start. He was too busy scolding himself for being unable to respond that he almost missed the call of his name. He looked up, and they made eye contact again.

He saw Zelos visibly tense up, he looked far too out of sorts for the kind of man that Lloyd knew him as. He was still breathing a little heavy, probably both from exhaustion and frayed nerves. But he watched him, and he couldn't look away as soon as he saw Zelos swallow nervously.

"Lloyd, I..." The redhead tried, and Lloyd felt his shoulders squaring as if he was already preparing himself for rejection. "Lloyd...this isn't your fault."

The brunette blinked at him, confused chocolate eyes staring at him incredulously. Lloyd had spent a great deal of time blaming himself for being unable to confront Zelos that he hadn't expected that, of all things.

"This is...mostly my fault. I...shit, this is really hard to do, I'm not used to this." Zelos huffed and rubbed his forehead—Lloyd noticed his fingers were pink from the cold too. What a damn idiot, running out in the snow with such little put on for warmth. He'd scold him about it later.

"It's okay."

Zelos shook his head. "No, it isn't. I shouldn't have avoided you this whole time, or sat at home attending my own pity-party. I should have talked with you about this a long time ago, instead of putting it off and letting it...backfire on us, like this."

Lloyd felt a dreadful mixture of hope and alarm build up in the pit of his stomach. He couldn't tell if it was good or bad just yet, but whatever it was, he wanted to get to the point instead of having to let his nerves bundle up and get tangled.

"I...well like I said, this isn't your fault. I have a hard time dealing with certain things, you know that." Lloyd nodded, trying to urge him on. "And when...whatever this is, between us, popped up...I didn't know what to do with it. It scared the hell out of me."

This time it was Lloyd's turn to swallow nervously, only now having a hard time trying to look away from him. Their eyes were locked on each other as Zelos spoke, and for all Lloyd wanted to say, to get off his chest and lay everything out in the open for him, he waited. He knew Zelos had far more difficulty dealing with his own internal problems than he did, so he remained silent and allowed him to continue.

"I just..." Zelos shook his head and lifted an arm to rub the back of his neck, his free arm gesturing aggravatingly. "You're my best friend, Lloyd. And I've never really had any close friends in my life. You were a first, honestly. Well...you already know that, I mean. I just...I think that's why I held back. Why I avoided you. " His eyes fell to the floor. "This doesn't mean I _don't _care about you, you know."

Lloyd's gaze followed his down to the carpet, and he nodded softly. "I know." He replied quietly. "And I...knew that...nothing was really out of the ordinary," He attempted, trying to avoid blurting out something like _'yeah I know that sleeping around is normal for you'_ because that just sounded even worse. "but I...I don't know. This time it was just different, for some reason. When I saw you with..." Lloyd cut himself off and felt his throat dry up and tighten, couldn't bring himself to look at the man in front of him and trying to keep tears at bay.

He heard Zelos sigh, and it sounded like one of resignation. "You're gonna hate me for this." He murmured. The brunette glanced up at him curiously at that statement. "I was...pretty messed up about this through last year—" Lloyd quirked a brow at that, did that mean that he—? "—and when I realized it wasn't going to stop, I just...tried to find ways to deal with it. You were the only one who...truly trusted me, who put so much faith in me, that I didn't want to screw that up. I didn't want to freak you out. Though, I...the way I dealt with it was probably worse."

Lloyd watched him as he continued, and saw the redhead visibly become more nervous and uncomfortable, something that was so out of character for him that he knew it was probably something bad if it got him worked up like this.

There was another bit of silence before he seemed to find the courage to go on. "Yeah...I still slept around. I'm not gonna lie about that. It wasn't, like, _every_ night that I did it, but every now and then. Before all this, it was just me, just how I was. But it changed. It changed, and that was when it became a problem." He nodded as he said it, as if trying to confirm to himself as much as Lloyd in admitting that it _was_ a problem. "But...after a while—and it took me quite a while to see it, I'll say—I noticed that...the ones that I'd try to get with really...well, they'd..." He looked around frustratingly as if the rest of his confession was running around the room, and he went back to rubbing his neck out of nervousness. "They reminded me of you."

Lloyd blinked at him and suddenly his face grew hot. Zelos finally made eye contact with him and he felt like he couldn't look at him anymore, darting his wide eyes to the floor, clutching his shaky hands together tightly, unsure of how to feel about this. It wasn't good, he knew that, but there was something bubbling inside of him—because Zelos had basically just confessed that he felt something for the boy, something that was enough to scare him away and tried to drown it out in other warm bodies that were close enough to satiate him.

Learning this definitely had Lloyd feeling a bit angry, even though he didn't know why because that's just who Zelos was, and always had been. But it probably had to do with the fact that this time, Zelos wasn't just looking for an easy fling, but someone who looked like _him_, who was his _best friend_ and that he was too much of a coward to have just said it to start with instead of screwing them both over like this in the end. It was one way for Zelos to cope, he had imagined, but that didn't excuse it and the hurt Lloyd felt at it.

"You were..." Lloyd attempted, clearing his throat. "You were too afraid to talk to me about it. So you..."

"I thought you wouldn't want me." Zelos cut him off, causing shocked brown eyes to dart back up and stare at him. A faint, tired smile came across the man's face. "C'mon, Lloyd, you know I'm a pretty messed up piece of baggage. Too often I'd wonder how you even put up with me, or stayed friends with me." His smile faltered and his eyes looked down, somewhere onto Lloyd's collarbone. "And knowing what kind of person I am, knowing that sleeping around was just normal for me? Why _would_ you want to risk anything with someone like _that_?"

Lloyd's brows furrowed in disbelief, "_Zelos_," He tried to stop him, tried to keep him from cutting himself down again, he had heard him talk like this before those few years ago and he _hated_ it, but Zelos had interrupted him again, his eyes looking back into firm brown ones, and Lloyd could see that he'd surrendered himself for this moment, like he had been holding back but couldn't anymore.

"I really do love you, Lloyd." He finally said, quietly, but there it was, unable to be hidden anymore. Lloyd felt like he'd just been slapped, his eyes widening, sparks lighting inside him. "I think...I think you're probably _the_ first one I've ever genuinely felt this way about." Zelos shook his head gently. He was completely unaware of how fast Lloyd's heart began to beat now with every time he spoke. "But I don't...it wouldn't work. I'd mess you up. I've _already_ messed up, I messed up as soon as I realized what I was seeing in the last few people I tried to get with. I care about you as a friend far too much to let myself screw up what we already have. I don't want to lose you to that, Lloyd."

Apparently that was the wrong thing to say, as Lloyd's temper seemed to flare and he untangled his hands to step forward and grasp Zelos' shoulder, glaring into cornflower-blue eyes. "You're just gonna say that like it's not a big deal? Without letting _me_ say my part on the matter? How many times have we been through this crap, Zelos?" He demanded. Zelos merely blinked in confusion. "How many times have I had to knock some sense into you about this _'I'm too messed up nobody would want me' _bullcrap? I thought we were past that. I thought we were done trying to run away from everything."

Zelos found himself unable to respond, and usually when someone got Lloyd going like this it was impossible to stop him.

"_Why_ am I friends with you? _Why_ have I stuck around you for so long? I thought you would've known this by now. I told you before: I _trust_ you, and I can see you for who you really are and I know that you're a good person, deep down. Most of the time I can see _right_ through you, you seem to forget that." He saw Zelos gulp again, apparently having struck a nerve. "You were always so wrapped up in your own masked hatred of yourself that you couldn't see the good things around you, all because of that _god-awful_ mother of yours."

The redhead couldn't look away, could never look away when his friend got riled up like this, it was something that always drove an inspiring force in the people around him whenever he'd try to knock some sense into them when they'd find themselves in a state of uncertainty. As he watched the brunette speak, it made him realize exactly why he had fallen for him in the first place, why he held such a warm spot in his heart for the idealist and, regardless of what would happen, would _never_ let that spot go. He felt nothing but genuine care and love for the boy, and probably always would.

"Zelos, I...I want you to feel like you can trust me, always. I know that these past few years haven't been easy, that it was _never_ easy for you to put your trust in someone, but I've...really tried, and _really_ wanted to be that person for you," Lloyd briefly bit his lip and looked back into his pale blue eyes with a newfound determination. "It's like what you told me before, right? 'Whatever will be, will be'. That's what you told me before. It's got a nice sound to it."

Lloyd smiled fully this time, and there it was; what brought in the warm summer sun and melted away the ice that encased the redhead, was how he beamed at him with nothing but honesty. Lloyd was so real, so sincere in his words, everything that he was, it overwhelmed Zelos sometimes. It renewed his faith in a lot of things, however small, and Lloyd had done so for him throughout these last three years. He wanted more of that.

"And I..." Lloyd attempted to continue, suddenly feeling his face heat up again when he watched Zelos slowly lift his hand to remove Lloyd's own on his shoulder to pull it up to his face, tilting Lloyd's hand back so his palm met Zelos' freezing cold cheek, pressed against the creamy white and flushed skin. Zelos never took his eyes off Lloyd. Even Lloyd could tell that he was looking at him with utmost care and admiration. He met his eyes and swallowed again. "I...think I love you too. No...I'm pretty sure I do. Otherwise, that...what I saw the other day wouldn't have hurt me so bad."

Zelos's face looked a little strained when he said that, but he still bore an expression of tenderness towards the brunette that made it all the more difficult to look away this time. Zelos gently shook his head, "I'm so sorry." Lloyd looked like he wanted to protest, but Zelos stopped him. "I've never been good at this—" He saw the brunette's face harden at that, "but...I want to get better, to get out of the bad habits I've had before. I want to try, at least. For you."

Lloyd's face lightened and he gently ran his thumb over Zelos' cheek, smiling contentedly and adjusting himself to stand a little closer, both of them entering each other's personal bubbles even though the uncomfortable atmosphere had left and was replaced with something much warmer, something much more solid now that they had gotten everything they needed to off their chests, their paranoia and worries put at ease.

"Then I'm willing to do the same." Lloyd said, lifting his free arm to brush the bangs out of Zelos' face. "As long as you want it too. No more running, from either of us." He said, and Zelos was smiling fully now, and they bumped their foreheads together to revel in each others' presence. Though, Lloyd's brows furrowed suddenly, and he looked at Zelos sternly. "This means no more flirting with everyone you see. Or _sleeping_ with them, for that matter."

Zelos suppressed a chuckle, and nodded, "I know. Besides, I've got _you_ now, don't I?" He said, raising his eyebrows suggestively.

Lloyd flushed a that and gave him a mildly irritated pout, sticking his chin up a little. "Yeah. _Good_."

And then their lips met.

* * *

><p>Meanwhile, with a wide grin plastered across her face, Colette excitedly scrambled to her nightstand and grabbed her phone to send a text message.<p>

'hey sheena, it looks like one of us is gonna have to negotiate a sleepover at some point'

'what? why? what happened did zelos say something stupid'

'nope, i mean for their soon-to-be private time'

'oh'


	3. Future

Again sorry for any OOCness. I wrote this mostly for stress relief so there's probably a bit of that in here.

* * *

><p><em>When there's nothing but the long way round,<em>

_I will be beside you_

_-"Beside You", Phildel_

* * *

><p>Zelos had been through many terrifying things in his life-when he and his friends had learned that the two worlds were ending. When he had to betray those said friends and try everything to regain their trust. When Mithos had overtaken his body, and having to watch Lloyd's horrified and furious face when he disappeared.<p>

And now, he found himself in a brand new kind of worrisome situation, when he stood in a room at the castle in Meltokio, nervously tossing a small square black box in between his hands, two of his friends standing in front of him and trying to drag him out of the room and back down to the new year's party down in the ballroom. They were all dressed in formal wear, Sheena wore a fitting purple dress, her hair pulled into a bun, and Colette wore a lovely frilly shirt and skirt looking light and summery as she always did. Zelos had hardly even gotten himself ready, he was wearing a suit—or, rather, what was left to be fixed into one. His vest and jacket were lying on a nearby chair and he hadn't fixed his shirt yet, too focused on the tiny box in his hand that would ultimately determine his future with the most important person in his life. The girls waited on him.

There was silence for a moment, he froze and stared at the box in his hand.

"Maybe I should just wait." He said suddenly, earning an exaggerated groan from Sheena. "Look, there's so many other things going on right now, and it's a little too soon—" Zelos' tone was nervously dismissive, laughing a little anxiously and waving a hand. Sheena glared, she wasn't having any of it.

"Zelos, we've talked about this." She snapped. "You've been planning this for weeks."

"I—" He stammered. "There's too many people and it's only—"

"Zelos," Colette stepped in, placing a comforting hand on his arm. "It'll be okay. Are you afraid of something going wrong?"

He swallowed, thinning his lips. _I'm afraid of him saying no_, Zelos thought, which was accompanied with a soft laugh. _Me, Zelos Wilder, afraid of rejection? What a thought._ "...Yeah."

"It's okay, Zelos, it's natural to be worried over something like this." She said.

Sheena's demeanor seemed to soften, and she approached him as well, putting a hand on his shoulder. "I know you're afraid, Zelos." She began, "But you're the one who decided to take this risk, you gotta own up to it. Besides, it's _Lloyd_. What do you think could happen?"

Colette lowered her hands and took one of Zelos' own into hers, smiling up at him, her blue eyes offering reassurance and comfort. The more he looked at her, he saw that she indeed looked a bit more mature, now a young, beautiful woman. She squeezed his hand.

"Lloyd loves you, Zelos." She said with a gentle firmness. "He loves you very much. Whatever happens, I don't think it will be bad. It'll be fine. I know you're feeling insecure about this, but I think it'll all work out for the better." She smiled again.

"Hey," Sheena piped up, regaining his attention. "you love Lloyd, right?"

"Of course I do."

"You guys have been together for at least 3 years now, which I am still pleasantly surprised at." He made an exasperated face at her and she waved a hand at him, still smiling. "He's the most important person in the world to you, right?"

He nodded. "Yeah, he is."

"And everything that's happened so far, you changing for the better, has all been because of Lloyd, right?"

"Yeah..."

"And," She raised a finger. "you want to spend the rest of your life with him?"

He could feel himself sweating nervously at this question, his face full of anxiety and apprehension. She watched him expectantly, knew he was weighing things over in his head. He had come this far and had been pulled out of the swamp of his own bitterness, she didn't want to see him hesitating now, of all times.

She watched him closely, seeing his gaze avert to the floor. She knew exactly what he was thinking—_he deserves someone better, I shouldn't be the one to do this, I don't want to fuck this up_. Luckily Lloyd had long since driven out such thoughts from the former casanova, but he still had small moments like this that crept their way back into his mind. She waited.

"Yes." He said, nodding to himself with finality.

The summoner smiled at him. "Then that's all you need. Look, Zelos," he lifted his eyes again to look at her. "you should really...give yourself more credit here, you know." He blinked at her, minor surprise on his face. She pouted a little—what, did he not expect to hear that from her? "Someone like you, asking a guy like Lloyd to marry him? Do you have any idea how huge of a step that is? You've...really surprised me, in a lot of good ways these past few years." She gave him a little shy smile and felt one of his own tugging at his lips at her words. "You've changed a lot. Lloyd did good on you."

He scoffed a little, looking between her and Colette fondly, sighing through his nose and still smiling. "Lloyd did most of the work, yeah. But...I guess you guys helped some too. It doesn't..." He glanced away. "...feel as lonely, now, I suppose."

The summoner folded her arms and nodded, proud grin on her face. Colette's smile widened significantly, showing off her teeth and briefly hugged his arm before stepping back. "You'll be fine, Zelos. Everything will turn out okay."

He was going to say something else, but a knock at the door and then Lloyd's voice, "Hey, guys? Are you still getting ready?" snapped them to attention instantly and everyone stared wide eyed at one another.

"Oh sh—"

"He's going to see—"

"Quick! Hide the thing! Here!" Sheena hissed in a whisper, held out her hand and Zelos slapped the ring box in her hand and she immediately stuffed it into a wedge in the waist of her dress, hidden from view, spinning around to face the door as soon as it opened.

Lloyd had peeked his head in and found the three of them standing stiffly, like something had just happened, and his brows furrowed suspiciously.

"Sheena? Colette? What are you guys doing?"

"Nothing!" The two girls replied in unison, looking at each other awkwardly before turning back to Lloyd and smiling. "We were just...telling Zelos not to get too plastered, even though it's a new year's party." Sheena laughed, walking up to the open door with Colette and playfully slapping Lloyd on the back. "Wouldn't want you to have to carry him all the way home, now would we?"

"Hey, I don't get _that_ drunk at parties," Zelos defended, folding his arms and pouting a little.

Sheena rolled her eyes. "Do you even know how much of a lightweight you are?" She ignored his humorous annoyance and waved, linking arms with Colette and heading out the door. "We'll see you guys downstairs."

"Bye!" Colette waved.

Lloyd entered the room, his back turned to the summoner and angel, and Zelos and Sheena shared a look as she patted the area on her hip, signaling that she'd look after it until they went downstairs. He nodded at her, swallowing nervously as Lloyd shut the door behind him.

"Well that was weird," Lloyd commented, turning to Zelos and looking him up and down, Zelos mimicking him.

Lloyd was dressed in a gray suit, light gray vest and wore a pink tie (Zelos could almost hear Colette going '_awww_'), cocked his hip to the side and put a hand in his pocket while observing Zelos, a warm smile on his face, which Zelos met with a grin.

"Look at you," Zelos spoke, as the brunette made his way over to the other and leaned in, pressing his lips to the redhead's in a loving kiss. They lingered like that for a moment before slowly parting, Zelos raising a hand to rest it at the crook of Lloyd's neck.

To most people Lloyd probably looked really plain, but for Zelos, he was anything but. He cleaned up pretty nice. There was something, he decided, about seeing Lloyd in a fine suit that made him fall in love all over again. He wound an arm around Lloyd's waist and pulled him closer. "You look...amazing."

A faint blush spread across Lloyd's cheeks, and he _loved_ that look on Lloyd: the fond dorky smile that grew and how he'd glance away slightly out of minor shyness, giving a soft 'thanks' in return.

"You look good too." Lloyd replied, earning a small chuckle from the redhead.

"I haven't even gotten my jacket on."

Lloyd shrugged. "You look good no matter what." Zelos felt something in him flutter at those words.

He gave Lloyd a peck on the cheek and pulled back, moving to retrieve his vest. "You wanna help me out then?"

Zelos actually surprised himself then, he felt his hands begin to tremble while pulling on a dark gray vest over his button up shirt and allowing Lloyd to grab the nearby maroon tie and wrap it around his neck, while Zelos pulled his cascade of long hair out from behind it, brushing it off his shoulders, Lloyd finished fastening the tie and began to button the vest for him. He could feel the tremors start to creep through him. He was nervous. _Goddess_, he was nervous, and they hadn't even left the room yet.

"There's a lot of people down there." Lloyd commented. "Genis, Raine, Regal and Presea are here too. Everyone's together. Seles showed up not too long ago also."

_Oh goddess. Everyone's going to be watching_.

"It's been a while since we've taken a break from exsphere hunting." Lloyd said, helping Zelos fit his arms into his black suit jacket, allowing him to button it himself while Lloyd smoothed out the edges near his waist and shoulder-blades. Zelos turned around to face him; Lloyd took a step back to look at him as he fussed with the cuffs on the jacket, dusting himself off. Lloyd felt himself grinning like an idiot at the sight of Zelos in a regular suit like this, it complimented him so much better than the fancy and gaudy outfit he'd worn several years ago. Lloyd was right, he looked good in just about anything, but seeing him tone it down and wearing something so simple made him stand out in a much more different manner. It was nice.

"Let me braid your hair." The brunette said.

"Hm?" Zelos looked up at him. "Why for?"

Lloyd shrugged, finding his hand working its way to run up one of Zelos' arms and settling around the nape of his neck. "It'll look good with the suit."

Zelos grinned at him. "Any excuse to put your hands in my hair, huh?"

"Pretty much."

The ex-Chosen chuckled at him, but agreed and turned around, allowing the brunette to slip his fingers into the long red locks and twist and twine them through his touch to form a braid, closing his eyes. Zelos loved feeling Lloyd's hands on his scalp, loved how much it relaxed him, loved how at home it felt. He knew Lloyd had always been enraptured with his long hair, loved everything about it and paid special attention to it always during their quiet moments; his favorite ones being having his head in the boy's lap and he casually pet his head, other times...well, those were better left to the bedroom when it was locked. Both were equally his favorite, though.

He felt one particular stray bunch of hair being lifted up and away from the braid—he knew Lloyd brought it up to his lips to kiss gently, and damned if he was going to admit that made him flush a little at how sappy and romantic it was. Lloyd loved everything about him, _everything_, and he showed it with every touch, caress and word spoken to him.

Another spike of anxiety.

_For once in my entire life I've begun to question how much of a considerate lover I've been_. He thought, _feeling like I can never give back enough what he's given me_.

Sheena's voice immediately interrupted his thoughts, as though she heard him: _Shut up, you idiot ex-Chosen. Quit doubting yourself_.

He swallowed again.

The motions stopped and his eyes, begrudgingly so, opened again. He felt Lloyd gently place his fingers against the small of Zelos' back and moved to face him, one strong arm wrapped around the waist. He was still incredibly nervous. Though, looking back up into deep brown eyes gave him the strength to inhale and exhale; Lloyd had the ability to untangle him and ease his nerves in a way no one else could.

Unfortunately, Lloyd was also incredibly perceptive, and could see through Zelos like glass.

"Are you okay? You got really tense there for a second. I didn't snag a hair did I?" He said.

Zelos shook his head, "Nah, it's okay. Just got a lot on my mind. We can talk later, after the party, okay?"

Lloyd seemed unconvinced, but let it slide. He stood back a little to get a better look at Zelos, and his face bore a surprised expression as Zelos reached behind him and pulled the braid over his shoulder, Lloyd's cheeks going a little red again as if he'd just realized something. Zelos watched him, saw that huge, dumb grin show up on him again, and he stepped forward again and leaned in to give him another kiss. Warm, soft, smelling like the woods and nature and everything Zelos fell in love with. The boy pulled back and smiled at him.

"You're gorgeous."

Oh, goddess help him he had fallen way too hard now that he was stuck with this wonderful, sappy, idealistic hero that saved the world, and had saved _him_. He never, ever, ever, imagined himself, the great Zelos Wilder, to be so absolutely smitten with a boy, who was a country hick that had a fire inside him fierce and bright enough to illuminate the city, that every time he complimented him he felt like thrice the man he was before.

It was probably because Lloyd was so genuine, so real, that he often had a hard time believing it. Lloyd wasn't like all the hunnies that he'd drowned himself in before, didn't hide behind a status and lie to him with sweet, yet sour words. He was honest. He was true. Everything Zelos wished he had been.

Sheena was right.

He laughed a little, nudging Lloyd slightly and linking their arms together. He flipped his bangs. "Of course I am. I always look my best." Lloyd rolled his eyes, still grinning. They left the room together and headed downstairs.

* * *

><p>Sheena could tell Zelos was starting to panic. She saw it in every move he made. It was getting close to counting down the new year, and Zelos was readying himself for the big moment. During the party he had slipped away so Sheena could discreetly hand him the box back, allowing him to stash it in his coat pocket and make his way back towards Lloyd. Colette watched them too, she had noticed that Lloyd seemed to look tense as well. The group had gathered near where the two men stood, waiting for the moment that Zelos would request everyone's attention. Genis was surprisingly supportive, even though it took him ages to get used to it.<p>

Eventually, the two were led to the ballroom floor to join the other party-goers in a dance. Zelos remembered trying to teach Lloyd how to waltz, it was amusing on its own, but he had gotten the hang of it pretty quickly with a teacher like Zelos. Sheena and the others watched intently, their eyes all focused on the boys.

Zelos had his eyes on nothing else but Lloyd as they danced, like they were in their own little world and when they found themselves coming to a stop, he was surprised to see Lloyd following his motions rather easily, like he knew what the redhead's movements were already. He had stared into chocolate eyes longer than he'd thought, realizing a lump was gathering in his throat, trying to remember how he was going to even start and oh damn it _everyone_ was watching everyone would see whether or not this would work. He was unaware of the other dancing couples in the room had seemingly stopped, all turning to look at the two of them.

This was it. It was now or never.

"Lloyd, I—"

"Zelos—"

"Oh."

"Um."

Zelos felt the hairs on the back of his neck rise. His nerves were about to fry, could feel himself start to sweat anxiously, and he was suddenly aware of how tense and awkward Lloyd looked, brown eyes averting to the ground, and shit, _shit_ did he know? Why did he look like that? What was going on? He had the oddest feeling in his gut as they remained silent for a few seconds before he opened his mouth to speak again, but Lloyd beat him to the punch, much to his dismay.

"Zelos, I have something important to say." Zelos gulped at Lloyd's words, and why was he talking so loudly? The room was deathly silent. He felt sick. This had thrown him completely off course with how he had planned the night out.

"Okay." Was all he said.

Lloyd inhaled deeply, his expression firm, confident, but had layers and layers of nervousness underneath it. "Zelos," He began, and Zelos _saw_ him gulp. "you and I have been together for a long time—" Zelos felt a squeak of surprise in his head, those first few words already sounding familiar and _what was happening_, "—and we've been through a lot together. I mean...moreso than what most people would consider a 'lot'. And I..."

Lloyd had lowered his hands to take both of Zelos' own, grasping them tightly and Zelos could feel the strain in his hands, both of them were shaking that he couldn't tell if it was coming from him or Lloyd but the more Lloyd spoke the more panic rose within him and the way Lloyd spoke and the way he looked at him and his mind completely went blank.

"Well, I never thought I'd end up with someone like you. You've seen me at my worst, and you stayed. And I've seen you at your worst, and I stayed. And no matter what you think, I'll always want to be by you, no matter how many times you stumble, I'll be there to help you back on your feet. And, well, I..." Panicking. Zelos was panicking, his eyes wide, shit, he wondered if this was going where he thought it was going oh goddess what was going on why is Lloyd looking at him like that and talking this way _what is happening_.

"I want to keep doing that. I want us to keep looking towards the future together. That is...what I mean is, I..." Lloyd rubbed the back of his neck aggravatingly and Zelos couldn't tell if he was whining or not but his face had grown hot with embarrassment and tangled nerves and he didn't know what to say or do because he was frozen in place and felt everything spike when he saw Lloyd's hand move from his neck and down into his coat pocket.

_Oh sweet Martel. Do not_.

"Augh, I'm not good at explaining things, damn it," He sounded frustrated and jittery. "Look, Zelos, what I'm trying to say is, you're one of the most important people in my life, probably _the_ most important one, and I love you more than anything." Zelos felt like he was going to faint. Did he just pull out a—? What was that look—? Was he—was he getting on one knee—? Why was he—

Oh NO.

Lloyd had gotten down on one knee in front of him, had Zelos' left hand in his, Lloyd's free hand outstretched and holding a ring with a blue gem on it, and could hear the people around them gasp and murmur and he didn't have to look up to know that Colette was bouncing up and down excitedly while Sheena bit her lip to refrain from yelling and was sure the others bore equal surprise but Zelos was _far_ beyond any of them in that area.

"Zelos Wilder, will you marry me?"

_I am going to DIE._

Zelos stood there displaying a comical amount of shock and awe that it took him a moment to process everything that Lloyd had just done in a matter of seconds. He was no longer concerned about his fear of rejection, but was now frozen in place in astonishment that Lloyd had the same idea as him, that Lloyd had actually been one step ahead of him, and most of all, that he felt the same way. An entirely new range of emotions welled up inside him and seemed to ease his shaken up nerves, though he still felt himself shaking, couldn't bring himself to stop he had been startled horribly and the lead up to this night had worn him down in more ways than one.

He focused back on Lloyd's deep brown eyes, and felt something from long ago ghost across the back of his mind, something that he had nestled deep within his heart and that could make his heart soar every time he thought of it or heard it.

_'I trust you.'_

A giddy laugh bubbled up into his throat. "Yes," He nodded, growing laughter seeping from him and into Lloyd, "Yeah, I will. Of course I will." As soon as he saw the brunette's face lighten up he could swear he looked brighter than the sun in that moment, not even wasting a second as he shot up from the floor and wrapped his arms around Zelos' waist, bringing him into a crushing hug and nearly knocking the two of them over. Zelos only let his laughter mingle with Lloyd's own, wrapping his arms around Lloyd's shoulders and almost missing the soft applause from the people around them and the little cheers from the others.

Before they knew it, the new year had rung through, all the guests cheering. The two boys had gotten lost among the crowd as everyone had gone back to party, as they were too wrapped up in each other and Zelos now had the ring on his hand while they kept close to each other, flush against the other and refusing to leave the small bubble they encased themselves in.

"I can't believe you made that ring." He said, his voice almost going unheard among the noise of the crowd.

"Why wouldn't I? I stressed over that thing so much, too." Lloyd replied, earning a snicker from Zelos.

"And _you_," Zelos began, looking straight into Lloyd's eyes and poking him gently on the chest. "you stole my thunder, damn you."

Lloyd blinked at him. "Eh?"

Zelos reached into his coat and pulled out the box that he had prepared for when _he_ was going to propose to Lloyd, opened it with one hand to show him the ring inside, and the brunette took one look at it before looking at a grinning ex-Chosen, the surprise on his face was worth it.

"You were going to—Zelos you—"

"Hey, don't worry about it," The redhead shook his head. "Besides, I...seeing that you had the same idea, now, makes it all the better. I'm still happy. More than happy."

A wide, ecstatic grin broke out over Lloyd's face as he clasped his hand around the one that held the box, and leaned in to give Zelos another kiss.

Their first night of the new year was starting off well.


End file.
